Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I have been pregnant for 98 weeks!!!

...okay, maybe not, but that's what it feels like.

My first mistake was being VERY keen on finding out when I was pregnant and taking a pregnancy test the SECOND we conceived instead of waiting until I missed my first visit from "aunt flo" which would have put me at least a month and a half into this 'wonderful experience' (note the sarcasm) when I found out, but no, I couldn't wait, so I have known that I'm pregnant FOREVER!

The second mistake was not my fault, my OB/GYN decided to get pregnant (quite inconsiderate) and went on maternity leave, leaving me in the unexperienced hands of her overwhelmed, consistently scatter-brained, and over all 'spazzy' replacement, who decided to tell me my due date was AUGUST 27th, that's right...TODAY!!! Well, she was wrong, and when my doctor returned from her little vacation (which is what I am calling it because she looks thinner and more tanned and relaxed than before having this 'supposed' kid) she let me know that my due date was actually September 4th! Not just a week later, but a week and a @#%^ing day later!!!

Do I sound bitter and cranky? ....well guess what, I AM! My feet and hands are swollen to the point of numbness, I have gained enough weight that I'm seriously expecting a 9 year old to crawl out of here next week, I can no longer sleep and spend my nights staring at my VERY well rested husband until I get so frustrated that I punch him and quickly close my eyes when he sits up in a panic not knowing what has just happened (this can't be good for our marriage). Being very organized (aka ANAL), tidy (I think I have that same germa-phobic disease that Howie Mandel has) and very thorough (I am pretty sure I have OCD) means that the nursery has been done for at least 8 and half months (it is the cutest freak'in room you have ever seen), and I would be better off delivering this kid on my kitchen floor as I'm sure it is more sanitized than any hospital room (I have taken to washing the floors daily on my hands and knees in the hope of inducing labour).

Well, here's hoping something gives in the next seven days, I'm off to find some extra-strength cold medication to slip into my husbands after dinner coffee...I have spent the afternoon 'googling' ways to induce labour and one that I keep coming across requires a team effort and I'm not taking any chances with 'someone' deciding they have a 'headache'...;)