Okay, the kid is almost 4 months old and my original plan of posting weekly, which quickly changed to monthly, has now been changed to whenever I get a spare moment, and with no good tv and my pasta taking way too long to cook, the moment has arrived.

Well, last night I had quite the baby emergency on my hands, and another thing to add to my list of "things the prenatal class forgot to cover". Prior to the baby's arrival I thought I was being very conscientious and buying her a pacifier that was not only cute, but orthodontist approved...problem being, we only bought ONE! Last night the little terror....I mean swee...no, I mean terror, decided to intentionally spit out her pacifier so it fell behind her crib on the floor, making it impossible for me to find in the middle of the night, can you say nightmare, this kid went from Gerber baby to Linda Blair in less than 3 seconds. After a very sleepless night I thought it best to get to the baby store first thing and buy a second one. After examining her original soother I realized it was coming apart and thought, no problem, she has a new one. BIG PROBLEM, she can tell the difference!!!! It has taken me over an hour to write this short entry as I am constantly interrupted by her screaming after having spit out her pacifier, but still wanting it....I really don't think I can ever win...she better be extra cute tomorrow and say 'mama' for the first time to make up for this or I'll have no other recourse but to take out my crankiness on my husband...again.

I just fell in love...again.

Okay, I know they say when you see your baby for the first time you feel a love so intense it is beyond description, and I completely agree...but to be honest, when I met Sofia for the first time I was pumped with so many drugs, having gone through 16 hours of labour, and was in the process of having my abdomen stitched back together...let's just say I was not in the most coherent of states. However, today I experienced something that more than made up for it (hence the pretty font colour, I'm feeling quite gushy and motherly right now).

I think Sofia snuck out of her bassinet last night and read my most recent blog post about her colic and thought she would give me a little something to keep me going. She smiled at me for the first time, and this wasn't one of those sort of looking in my direction and smiling while taking a dump, she looked right at me, I started to make my cheesy mom faces and she smiled back...right at me...she saw me...and smiled...well, that feeling I had never felt before, I have never felt such an intense emotional connection in my life. Truly amazing!

...and to just prove she's her bitchy-cranky mother's daughter, she has just spent the last 5 hours screaming.....gotta love her;)

Say it ain't so!

So I have finally come to terms with my baby acne...well actually I decided not to listen to my family doctor and see the specialist at the kids clinic at the local hospital. Sofia has eczema...my 'old skool' doctor basically looked at her face and said, "yeah, I've seen this before, don't worry, babies get rashes, you can put cream on it if you want." This is the response I was not happy with, the specialist said, "Sofia has eczema, this can be caused by many factors, we aren't really sure what, what happens is the dermatological blah blah blah...put cream on it." Some of you might say that these two responses are the same, in my head adding the obligatory medical jargon really helps me feel better. Since I was sure now that this 15 year old doctor who had memorized passages from his medical text to help make new moms feel better was the best thing in modern medicine I decided to ask him about the wonderfully cute habit Sofia has picked up of crying daily from 5pm to 11pm. My doctor said, " babies cry, what can we do?", Doogie Howser told me she had....she had....I"m almost afraid to say it out loud....COLIC!!!!

What is COLIC you ask, COLIC is god punishing you for all the horrible things you ever did, all the mean things you said, the candy bars you stole, the people you broke up with via email...all of it coming back to haunt you! 

Basically it means your baby cries, and cries A LOT, and there is nothing we can do but buy ear plugs!

Speaking of which, it's 20minutes to 5pm, the countdown is on so I better pee, eat, pay bills, respond to email, clean and brush my teeth and prepare for bed while I still have the chance.

My dreams of making millions off CHILD STAR have been shattered...

First of all, I have to commemorate this occasion, for the first time in 5 and half weeks Sofia was put down in her bassinet half asleep and stayed their asleep, without screaming for 2 hours, hence the reason I can write this, though I am pushing my luck and will have to keep it short so I can get some sleep before she wakes up again.

Alright, I know most moms say their kids are the cutest in the world, but we all know that is not true, there are some ugly  kids out there, and when it comes to newborns most of them look like a mix between MINI ME and BENNY HILL. That being said,my daughter is the cutest baby in the world...I swear. So like all good moms I immediately had dreams of putting her to work as soon as possible, you know, get me some cash for all the work I just went through. Well as I was searching online for good AGENTS I glanced over at her on my lap and noticed something on her face, it looked like ACNE. Of course the first thing I did was look up baby rash on line, and then after convincing myself that she had flesh eating bacteria I called the doctor.

He let me know that it was normal and would go away, so having heard that of course I took her to the hospital, I mean come on, he obviously had no idea what he was talking about, I need a specific diagnosis and even better yet, some meds to go with it. The doctor at the hospital said pretty much the same thing, but he had an extra couple of initials in his title being a specialist and all so I felt a little better. When it comes to the baby I have a three prong approach to medical advice; ONLINE chat forums, family doctor, emergency room. I have never worried about someone in my life, to the point where I am perfectly okay with being unreasonable and borderline psychotic when it comes to her well-being.

Well now that I can't count on her modeling career I might look into some aerobics program like those Chinese Olympics kids were enrolled in at birth and see how much cash I can get that way....I wonder how old you have to be to work for Cirque to Soleil????

1 month down....2 billion to go

...it's 10:53pm on a Saturday night and for the first time in 5 and weeks I am not spending my entire evening (meaning 5pm to 12am) a baby who can only be described in these moments as demonic....

Okay, so my original intention of posting updates on my adorable little angle on a weekly basis didn't quite work out. Having a baby is hard, no...you don't get the intensity in which I am typing this, it is really, really, really hard, as in the hardest thing I have ever done, and considering I grew up in a nice suburban home with a pretty easy life in a pretty well off household with lots of friends and close family...you can take my scale of what is hard as you will.

Sofia da Silva McMillan was born 1:58am, weighing in at 8lb 2oz ( I feel like I'm introducing a WWF wrestler). Now that she is here and is the love of my life, yadda, yadda, yadda, I could be like all those other moms and tell you that you forget the pain of childbirth the second you see the little angle...but instead how about I remain true to myself and not BULLSHIT you, it HURTS, and you DON"T FORGET. Those women who tell you it's easy and wonderful are lying, they just want to make sure you go and have a baby too so they have someone to call in the middle of the day when their "little angle" is screaming and bitch to. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret it, I just wish it had been easier. If you are interested in the all the horrific details (think Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Aliens) feel free to email me personally, let's just say at one point I had 5  IV bags attached to me simultaneously, the maximum epidural dosage they would give, but still felt pain...and it all lasted 16 hours, only to end with me waiting 45 minutes, prepped, without painkillers, strapped to an operating room table...not quite what I signed up for.

So in my attempts to make up for the lack of postings in Month 1 here is a quick recap:

WEEK 1 - I was in pain, Baby cried, I cried, Baby ate, I cried, Baby pooped, the Husband changed her, I cried, Baby ate, I cried, Baby pooped, my mom changed her, I cried...REPEAT.

WEEK 2 - Husband went back to work, I cried (A LOT), my mom went back home, I cried (A LOT) Baby cried, I cried, Baby ate, Baby pooped, I changed her, I cried...REPEAT.

WEEK 3 - I went for a walk outside, I cried, Baby cried ( A LOT), I cried, Baby ate (A LOT, and it hurt), Baby pooped, I changed her...REPEAT.

WEEK 4 - I went to the mall, Baby cried, baby ate, baby pooped, I changed her, I cried (only a little)...REPEAT

Goals for next month:
-lose 200lbs
-not let Sofia figure out that her dad and I are terrified of her;)

I have been pregnant for 98 weeks!!!

...okay, maybe not, but that's what it feels like.

My first mistake was being VERY keen on finding out when I was pregnant and taking a pregnancy test the SECOND we conceived instead of waiting until I missed my first visit from "aunt flo" which would have put me at least a month and a half into this 'wonderful experience' (note the sarcasm) when I found out, but no, I couldn't wait, so I have known that I'm pregnant FOREVER!

The second mistake was not my fault, my OB/GYN decided to get pregnant (quite inconsiderate) and went on maternity leave, leaving me in the unexperienced hands of her overwhelmed, consistently scatter-brained, and over all 'spazzy' replacement, who decided to tell me my due date was AUGUST 27th, that's right...TODAY!!! Well, she was wrong, and when my doctor returned from her little vacation (which is what I am calling it because she looks thinner and more tanned and relaxed than before having this 'supposed' kid) she let me know that my due date was actually September 4th! Not just a week later, but a week and a @#%^ing day later!!!

Do I sound bitter and cranky? ....well guess what, I AM! My feet and hands are swollen to the point of numbness, I have gained enough weight that I'm seriously expecting a 9 year old to crawl out of here next week, I can no longer sleep and spend my nights staring at my VERY well rested husband until I get so frustrated that I punch him and quickly close my eyes when he sits up in a panic not knowing what has just happened (this can't be good for our marriage). Being very organized (aka ANAL), tidy (I think I have that same germa-phobic disease that Howie Mandel has) and very thorough (I am pretty sure I have OCD) means that the nursery has been done for at least 8 and half months (it is the cutest freak'in room you have ever seen), and I would be better off delivering this kid on my kitchen floor as I'm sure it is more sanitized than any hospital room (I have taken to washing the floors daily on my hands and knees in the hope of inducing labour).

Well, here's hoping something gives in the next seven days, I'm off to find some extra-strength cold medication to slip into my husbands after dinner coffee...I have spent the afternoon 'googling' ways to induce labour and one that I keep coming across requires a team effort and I'm not taking any chances with 'someone' deciding they have a 'headache'...;)